


Sleep Needed

by Angelwithwingsoffire



Series: Sterek One Shots [11]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Trigger Warnings, check authors notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 09:11:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1260922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelwithwingsoffire/pseuds/Angelwithwingsoffire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles hasn't slept a full night in ages. Not since Derek vanished after one of their many no-strings attached fuck nights. And Stiles is done. He's so fucking done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stiles

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS!  
> Self Harm  
> Suicide  
> Cutting
> 
> If there is anything else, TELL ME! I don't want to trigger anyone.

Stiles turned on the song he’d found and listened to it, thinking of how it related to his situation.

_Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?_

 

Stiles looked at his phone. ‘One missed call from Sourwolf’ was still visible on the screen.

 

_You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone._

Every time he sees Derek’s contact calling or texting him, he gets happy. Insanely happy for someone who was left behind and forgotten for six months.

_Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?_

_Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?_

When Stiles hangs up after talking to Derek he almost always has to cry from the thoughts and memories Derek had brought up. But he still couldn’t stop picking up the phone.

_You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been._

He has flashbacks during the day if he lets his mind wander too far. He remembers everything about Derek. He hasn’t forgotten a thing.

_When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again._

The pain that he’d felt the day he got the text from Scott. Two simple words. Ten letters. Dereks gone.

_Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?_

Stiles wishes he knew what Derek wanted. Then he could make his decision knowing what was going on. But he didn’t know.

_I get so tired of living like this._

Stiles hasn’t slept a full night through in a long time. Like six months kind of long.

_I don't have the time, neither do my friends,_

_To stay up at night, to pull me through,_

_And to find the things to keep my mind off of you._

Scott hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in almost a month. Stiles has difficulties not having a panic attack unless he calls Scott after his nightly nightmare.

_So, now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?_

Stiles wishes he knew.

_Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used- to- be._

That was a common nightmare. That Derek would call one day to tell him about his new girlfriend or boyfriend and Stiles would just be a forgotten memory again.

_You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been._

_If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?_

Stiles knew there wasn’t someone else. Derek’s gotten in the habit of telling him everything. Meaning he also knows Derek isn’t coming back.

_Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?_

He’d tried to ask Derek what he wanted but Derek hadn’t responded. Just hung up. Until the next time he called.

_What do you want me to say?_

_That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?_

He did wish he’d stayed. He’d wishes Derek hadn’t left. He wishes he didn’t have nightmares every night _because_ Derek was gone.

_Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?_

Stiles had asked one last time that morning. Sent Derek a text. All he got in response was a call. That he ignored.

_To come here and make love tonight cause you're feelin' lonely._

That’s how it started. Derek had needed someone and Stiles was the only one there. He’d told Stiles he needed him and Stiles had been naïve enough to listen to him.

_You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been._

_When we wake up and say goodbye it's like I'm losing you again._

He always woke up the next morning and Derek was gone. But then one day Scott sent him that text and he knew it was the end. Stiles was just a disposable being to Derek. Something to fuck and not have to worry about strings attached.

_Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?_

_What do you want, what do you want from me?_

As the song finished Stiles got to his feet and went to the open window.  “I know you’re not out there Derek, but I felt like this was necessary. I’m done.” He said. “Goodbye. Have a nice life.”

Then he turned and went to the bathroom, stopping at his desk to grab his phone. His attention was drawn to the stack of envelopes on the top and he sighed. The top one was to his dad and he knew it would break him, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He went into the bathroom, set his phone on the counter, and pulled out his razor. He pushed up his long sleeves and looked at the thin scars criss-crossing along his forearm. He’d been doing it for a while now and there were a lot of them, some dangerously close to his main veins. He raised the razor to his wrist and made one last slit.

 

He pushed aside the curtain on the tub and sat on the edge, fiddling with his phone while his wrist slowly dripped on the floor. He looked up at the mirror, with his final message written across it, and sighed. He slipped down onto the floor and set his phone on the floor to his right. He touched his right forefinger, covered with blood still, to his left wrist again and then to the side of the tub. He drew quickly, not wanting to waste time. Then he sat back, breathing slow and deep to keep control. He picked up the pill bottle and dumped the pills into his left hand. There was a dozen of them. He wanted to be thorough. He grabbed the glass of water of the floor and took the pills, one by one, feeling them slid down his throat. He drained the last of the water from the glass and put on the tub’s lip above him and then leaned to his right. He lay on the pile of Derek’s clothes he’d collected over their fuck buddy relationship and let his eyes slip slowly closed. He was losing feeling in his body as the pills started to work, slipping him out of this life. He let his muscles relax, letting go and willingly falling asleep. Sleep. Something he hasn’t had in a very long time. He heard a ding and opened his eyes on last time to look at his phone. He grimaced at the sight and then sighed softly as he finally slipped away.

 

_Message from Sourwolf._ His phone read. _I’m home._


	2. Ending #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT EVERYBODY STOP AND READ THIS PLEASE OR YOU WILL BE CONFUSED!  
> K, so I wrote two endings. I couldn't decide which I liked better so you guys are getting both. This is one and the second is next. Please comment and tell me which ending you enjoyed more and why. Thanks guys. Enjoy!

Derek was the one to find the body. He’d gone straight to Stiles’s house as soon as he got into town. He couldn’t hear Stiles’s heartbeat but he climbed up the side anyways, figuring he’d wait for him to get back so he could tell him. He’d fled after that night because he’d realized he cared about Stiles. A lot. And didn’t know how to handle it. He’d never even thought about the nightmares. Stiles never mentioned them anymore so he’d thought they’d gone away.

He inhaled Stiles’s scent greedily as he opened the window. He’d missed that scent the past six months. He sat down on the bed and closed his eyes just to concentrate on the smell. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of blood though. It was sharp and strong in his nose, recent then. He sighed and stood up. May as well help Stiles and clean up before he gets back. Make some sort of good impression as he knows Stiles’ll be pissed at him for leaving like that.

He followed the scent into the bathroom and froze. Stiles. He rushed forward and pulled him into his arms. He was cold. Derek started shaking as he lost control of his wolf. His eyes flashed and he shifted, pulling Stiles close and taking care with his claws. He looked up and saw the triskelion on the tub and Stiles last message on the mirror.

‘I’m sorry’ It said. He opened his mouth and roared, letting all his pain out in one, single sound.

 

Across town Scott was having lunch with his mom and the Sheriff. Stiles usually joined them but he hadn’t been feeling well so he stayed home. Scott looked up sharply as the howl cut through the air.

“Derek.” Scott said. “That was Derek.”

The adults jumped into action and had money on the table and the three of them out of the diner and speeding towards the direction Scott pointed when asked where the howl came from.

“Stiles.” He gasped. “He’s at your house Sheriff.”

The Sheriff didn’t even hesitate to speed. Ten minutes later the burst through the front door and Scott was running upstairs. He burst into the bathroom and froze.

“No.” He said. “No god no. Please god no.”

John and Melissa got there and Melissa covered her mouth in shock, tears already flowing and John pushed past Scott to kneel by Stiles and Derek.

Derek looked up at him, tears running down his face, and his voice shook as he spoke. “I-I’m too late. I came back for him. And I-I” He couldn’t continue as the sobs he’d been holding back tore their way out of his throat.

John didn’t hesitate in pulling him in for a hug over the body of the one person they both cared about more than anything, even if Derek couldn’t get the words out. “It’ll be okay son. We’ll get through this together.”

The next few hours went by in a blur as people were called and told and someone showed up to take the body. Scott had to Alpha order Derek away from the body. The pack arrived and all of them curled around Derek in the living room, crying for their lost pack mate and trying to help Derek heal. They all knew it wouldn’t work though. They could feel the pain and they knew Derek would never fully recover. They knew Stiles’s death was what would break him. They only wanted to help him get better.

Peter was the last to arrive and took one look at everything before walking over and pulling Derek into a hug. He knew what Derek was feeling and was the only one who did. His wolf was in pain and there was nothing that could sooth it.

“Derek.” John called from upstairs. “Come here. There’s something you should see.”

Derek immediately pulled away from Peter and went upstairs. He tried not to breath as the scent of Stiles’s blood got stronger as he went. Then he was hit by a waft of ammonia and wolfsbane and Melissa appeared.

“I thought it’d make it easier for you.” She said.

Derek gave her a sad smile and fell towards her. She hugged him tightly.

“It’ll be alright Derek. We’ll pull each other through this.”

John walked out of Stiles’s room holding a stack of envelopes and held one out to Derek. “He left us all letters.” He explained. “This is yours.”

Derek took it and went into Stiles’s room. He curled up on the bed and tore it open.

_‘Hey Sourwolf. When you read this, I’ll be dead. I can’t take this anymore. I’m done. It’s not because of you. It’s because of all this. I can’t win anymore. You made the nightmares go away you know. I slept the best after you visited. Then when Scott told me you were gone, I thought it was because of something I did. But I know now that isn’t it. I know you Derek. You don’t like being tied down. You don’t want to make friends or get close because of what happened with Kate and I don’t blame you. She was a bitch. But we aren’t like that. I know it’s too late for me and you to be friends, so do me a favor. Let the pack in. Let them be your pack. Stop being an omega Derek, you deserve more than that. When you left the nightmares came back. I haven’t slept in three days. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since, well since you left. I’m falling apart at the seams and it’s all I can do not to fall apart around the others. I’ve held myself together for them but this darkness, it hurts. After the nogistune I told you guys the darkness was gone. It wasn’t. It’s been with me ever since the Nemeton and I will carry it to my grave. I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. This is the inevitable. My death was always coming. I knew I wouldn’t survive high school but I’m glad I got to spend some of my time with you. Even if you didn’t care about me the way I’ve cared about you for a long time. It’s my last chance to tell you so I guess I’ll say it now. I love you. I have for a while. I know you don’t care and probably never will but, well, I guess I thought maybe you’d keep your promise to me. The one you made the last time I saved your life. That you’d follow me everywhere and keep me safe. Guess you forgot about it. I know I’m not important though so this is it. Yours is the last letter for me to write and then I’m going to do it. I have it all planned. I’m going to listen to a song first, called What do you Want. It’s by a guy called Jerrod Nieman and I think it pretty much sums up my feelings for you. You keep calling me with nothing to say but how happy you are in your new place and I can’t stand it anymore. I’m done.  Just do one last thing for me. Don’t let my dad be alone. Make sure he’s not alone. I was all he had after Mom and I can’t let him die because I’m not strong enough to keep going anymore. Goodbye Derek. I loved you.’_

Derek couldn’t stop the tears. He let the sobs tear through him as he set the letter aside so the tears wouldn’t smudge it and pulled a pillow to his chest. He inhaled Stiles’s scent and cried.

 

“He thought it was his fault.” Melissa whispered to John as they sat downstairs.

John nodded, hands clenched together. “We all do. And we all will.”

“We’ll help each other.” Melissa decided. “Stiles pulled the pack together and I will die before I let his death ruin that.”

John nodded. “We can do this. Together.”


	3. Ending 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENDING NUMBER TWO!

Derek was outside the house when he heard it. Stiles’s heart was slowing down. He threw all decorum out the window, not that he had much to begin with, and raced for the house. He broke down the front door and ran upstairs just as his heart stuttered to a stop. He burst into the bathroom, his eyes glowing blue, and grabbed Stiles. He didn’t stop to think or hesitate just scooped him up and ran from the house. He ran the quarter mile to the hospital and burst into the emergency room. Scott was there, visiting his mom, and instantly went to his side as he saw Derek holding Stiles but only heard one heart.

“MOM!” He screamed, running to Derek.

“What?” Melissa asked, running out to answer her son’s panicked cries. As soon as she saw Derek with Stiles she jumped into action.

Derek couldn’t hear anything, just clung tight to Stiles’s body until he heard Scott’s voice.

“Let go Derek. You have to let go so they can help him.”

Derek let them pull Stiles away from him and then collapsed to the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and dug his claws into the underside of his thighs, trying to stay human.

“Derek?” Scott said, kneeling next to him. “You have to move. Come on.”

Derek let himself be moved to the waiting room but sat on the floor again. Scott sat down next to him.

“He’ll be alright.” Scott said. “He has to be.”

They sat there together, the rest of the pack rushing in as soon as they could get there and sitting with them. None of them talked about why Derek was back. They all knew. When the Sheriff walked in he didn’t say anything to anyone, just sat down behind Derek and put a hand on his head.

“Thank you.” He whispered, knowing Derek would hear him. “For saving him.”

Derek nodded stiffly.

Melissa came out and they all looked up. “He’s stable.” She said.

They all relaxed, releasing their held breaths.

“But he’s in a coma.” Melissa added. “And we can’t tell how much brain damage there was from the pills.”

“But he’s alright?” John asked.

Melissa nodded. “When he wakes up we’ll run tests, but he should be alright. Derek got him here fast enough that most of the pills weren’t in his system yet. We pumped his stomach and got them out but some had already absorbed.”

“The blood.” Derek choked out. The scent was still filling his nose as if he was surrounded by it.

“He cut his wrist but it’s very shallow.” Melissa said.

“He left a message in the bathroom.” John said. “He wrote I’m sorry on the mirror and drew a triskelion on the tub.”

Derek choked on his breath and the pack all leaned closer.

“He also had these.” John pulled out the stack of envelopes. “He wrote one to each of us. Even you Derek.”

Derek stuck his hand up. “Please.” He begged.

John handed his over and Derek tucked it into his coat and looked up at Melissa, a pleading look in his eyes.

“Come on.” She said. “You and John can go back first.”

 

A week later and Stiles hadn’t moved. And neither had Derek. He was a constant figure in Stiles’s room, only leaving to use the bathroom. The others came and went, but Derek couldn’t. Scott had brought him clothes and he’d changed. He still had his jacket though. He hadn’t cleaned the blood off but it vanished one day after he fell asleep by Stiles’s bed and he knows it was Melissa. He knows she did it but he can’t thank her. He hasn’t spoken to anyone since the first day. He hasn’t been able to. Now he could feel the letter from Stiles burning in his jacket pocket as he sat by the bed, staring down at his face, and sighed. He gave in to the temptation and took it out.

_‘Hey Sourwolf. When you read this, I’ll be dead. I can’t take this anymore. I’m done. It’s not because of you. It’s because of all this. I can’t win anymore. You made the nightmares go away you know. I slept the best after you visited. Then when Scott told me you were gone, I thought it was because of something I did. But I know now that isn’t it. I know you Derek. You don’t like being tied down. You don’t want to make friends or get close because of what happened with Kate and I don’t blame you. She was a bitch. But we aren’t like that. I know it’s too late for me and you to be friends, so do me a favor. Let the pack in. Let them be your pack. Stop being an omega Derek, you deserve more than that. When you left the nightmares came back. I haven’t slept in three days. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since, well since you left. I’m falling apart at the seams and it’s all I can do not to fall apart around the others. I’ve held myself together for them but this darkness, it hurts. After the nogistune I told you guys the darkness was gone. It wasn’t. It’s been with me ever since the Nemeton and I will carry it to my grave. I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. This is the inevitable. My death was always coming. I knew I wouldn’t survive high school but I’m glad I got to spend some of my time with you. Even if you didn’t care about me the way I’ve cared about you for a long time. It’s my last chance to tell you so I guess I’ll say it now. I love you. I have for a while. I know you don’t care and probably never will but, well, I guess I thought maybe you’d keep your promise to me. The one you made the last time I saved your life. That you’d follow me everywhere and keep me safe. Guess you forgot about it. I know I’m not important though so this is it. Yours is the last letter for me to write and then I’m going to do it. I have it all planned. I’m going to listen to a song first, called What do you Want. It’s by a guy called Jerrod Nieman and I think it pretty much sums up my feelings for you. You keep calling me with nothing to say but how happy you are in your new place and I can’t stand it anymore. I’m done.  Just do one last thing for me. Don’t let my dad be alone. Make sure he’s not alone. I was all he had after Mom and I can’t let him die because I’m not strong enough to keep going anymore. Goodbye Derek. I loved you.’_

Derek was crying again by the time he finished. He put the letter down and buried his face in his hands. Silent sobs tore through his body, shaking him, but he couldn’t stop.

“Derek?” He heard.

His head shot up and he looked at Stiles with a tear stained face. “Stiles?” He choked out.

“What’re you doing here?” His voice was hoarse and painfully dry but he had to know.

Derek couldn’t answer, just lunged forward and kissed Stiles before quickly pulling back.

“Oh.” Stiles said. “I see you read my letter.”

“Why?” Derek choked out. “Why would you go somewhere I can’t follow?”

Stiles was crying now to. “I’m sorry. I-I just couldn’t.”

Derek didn’t let him continue, he just sat forward and wrapped his arms around Stiles. “It’s okay.” He whispered. “It’s alright. We’re alright. I’m back. And I’m never leaving again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I love you Derek.”

“I love you to Stiles.”

“Hey Derek?”

“Yea?”

“What happens when Voldemort sneezes?”

Derek laughed, holding Stiles tightly to him as he knew that they were gonna be okay. That they'd do it together. And he knew he'd keep his promise. All of them. He was never leaving Stiles's side again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, which ending did you guys enjoy more?

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't know if I'm gonna write a second part where Derek comes home or whats going to happen then so give me your opinions


End file.
